Monday, July 19, 2010

My memory foam mattress has Alzeimer's Disease

I’ve come to the conclusion that my memory foam mattress has Alzeimers disease.
My husband and I purchased our first mattress together as a married couple nearly 16 years ago. Three homes and three children later, we thought it might be nice to buy a new mattress. While we were at it, what the heck, let’s upgrade to a king size. Then there might actually be room for both of us and whatever child crawls in with us in the middle of the night without one or both of us having to hang off the side the of the bed. We are left grasping for whatever tiny piece of mattress said child will allow us because he/she has spread out and taken up every possible piece of flat surface.
With that planned, we went shopping. Now, mind you I like to shop, daresay even love it; with a few exceptions. I hate, hate, hate to shop for mattresses and the granddaddy of them all, cars. But that being said, off we went to one of the hundreds of places where you can lie down on a floor sample mattress, that has been there for God only knows how long and has seen more action/bodies on it, than a cheap hooker in Vegas.
So there we are, standing in the middle of an enormous showroom filled end to end with mattresses that just begged to be jumped on from one end of the room to the other. Who knew that salesmen could be so cranky? Did I mention that we left the kids at home? 
So after we got kicked out of that store… I didn’t like any of their mattresses anyway… we went into another. After a hard fought mental battle to restrain the urge to jump across the room, we chose a mattress, then another, and so on and so on….you get it. Hour later we chose a mattress that made us feel like we were floating on light, puffy clouds. Heaven! Surely we would get a good five or six hours of sleep a night on this baby. We picked out a new frame, filled out more paperwork than it took to buy our house and my husband proclaimed, “put it in the truck, Bob!” That’s when ‘Bob’ informed us that he could have delivered within the next two weeks. * long-suffering sigh *
Time passes by and much awaited mattress arrives. * applause *
More time passes by and the ‘clouds’ begin to sink until we are left with two body-sized indentations in the mattress. On a good morning, it only takes two tries to work up enough momentum to crawl of the hole. So we turn the mattress. Sideways, longways and anyway to attempt to revive our memory foam. * tears * Sadly, it has Alzeimer’s Disease with no hope of recovery. We even tried taking turns sleeping on the hump in the middle to no avail. It’s like sitting in a 1966 Chevy with the hump in the middle of the backseat.
Left with no choice, we retired our poor sick mattress and bought a new one…online…without the memory foam! Provided it suffers no serious illness, we hope to have this one for longer than a year.


  1. I've yet to buy a really good mattress. lol!

  2. Haha Omg you're funny.

    I bought a Tempurpedic mattress about six years ago, and I absolutely LOVE it. I haven't had any memory issues *snicker* I could do a commercial for the Tempurpedic people if they'd let me.

    I'm still picturing you bouncing across the store.