Desert Critters

I feel blessed to live in one of the most beautiful parts of the country. My husband and I were attracted to the beauty of the desert southwest the first time we visited. Fast forward many years and we now call it home. Among the many differences from living in the desert as oppossed to the great lakes are the critters. It is completely normal to see a little lizard crawling around the fence that surrounds our yard and I'd made peace with that. After all, they eat some of the more nasty critters that live outside.

Outside being the key word. One morning while rushing to get the kids off to school on time, I walked out of my bathroom and past my bed. Noticing a piece of lint hanging to the side of my mattress, naturally I went to pick it off. Only it moved! It was a small lizard. ON MY MATTRESS! My husband had already left for work. Thank God for cell phones. The conversation went something like this:

"THERES A *censored* LIZARD ON MY BED!"
Apparently I spoke incoherently in my panic and he said, "What?"
So I took a deep breath and repeated myself.
"Do you need me to come home?" He asked innocently.
"DID YOU HEAR ME? THERE IS A *censored* LIZARD ON MY BED!"

My husband being an intelligent man turned his car around and made it back home within fifteen minutes. He immediately went upstairs and my son, being helpful, took a baseball bat up to him while my 8 year old daughter and I stood at the bottom of the steps.

WHACK! "That's a hit." My daughter announced approvingly.
We heard a little scambling around upstairs then, "The son of a *censored* is still *censored* alive!"
The first hit apparently only stunned the lizard for a moment and when my husband went to get a cloth to carry its carcass outside, he sprang to life and made a run for it. Now, as I already said, my husband is an intelligent man and knew that if the lizard remained alive and roaming the house he would come home from work to a for sale sign in the front yard, furnishing included. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

Finally the lizard was removed from the house and *sigh* 'my hero', my dragon slayer husband went off to work.

It's morning like that when I don't need coffee and again. you can't make this stuff up!

You can't make this stuff up!

The Heart Attack Grill in Chandler Arizona is a straight up burger and fry joint. It features single, double, triple and quadrulple bypass burgers, flatliner fries and waitresses dressed in nurse costumes that could very well be hazardous to your health. My husband thought, "cool, lets go get a burger." I thought "cool, I don't have to cook tonight." So we gathered up our best friends and the four of us went out to eat. There is an ambulance waiting at the front door should your arteries become clogged just by the scent of the heavenly burger and fries. Once inside, you place your order then can walk around and admire the mannequins dressed as nurses straight from the Victoria Secret catalog.There are plenty of photo opportunities so bring your camera. We did. My husband saw a man having his picture taken with a young woman in medical scrubs in front of a large wall menu. When the man stepped out of the way, my husband handed me his camera and jumped in. The woman looked shocked but smiled politely as I snapped the picture. The man who had been there first didn't look too happy. About five minutes later we found out why. The woman in scrubs was his wife. Not an employee of the grill. They left and we all had a good laugh. See, you just can't make this stuff up!