Desert Critters

I feel blessed to live in one of the most beautiful parts of the country. My husband and I were attracted to the beauty of the desert southwest the first time we visited. Fast forward many years and we now call it home. Among the many differences from living in the desert as oppossed to the great lakes are the critters. It is completely normal to see a little lizard crawling around the fence that surrounds our yard and I'd made peace with that. After all, they eat some of the more nasty critters that live outside.

Outside being the key word. One morning while rushing to get the kids off to school on time, I walked out of my bathroom and past my bed. Noticing a piece of lint hanging to the side of my mattress, naturally I went to pick it off. Only it moved! It was a small lizard. ON MY MATTRESS! My husband had already left for work. Thank God for cell phones. The conversation went something like this:

"THERES A *censored* LIZARD ON MY BED!"
Apparently I spoke incoherently in my panic and he said, "What?"
So I took a deep breath and repeated myself.
"Do you need me to come home?" He asked innocently.
"DID YOU HEAR ME? THERE IS A *censored* LIZARD ON MY BED!"

My husband being an intelligent man turned his car around and made it back home within fifteen minutes. He immediately went upstairs and my son, being helpful, took a baseball bat up to him while my 8 year old daughter and I stood at the bottom of the steps.

WHACK! "That's a hit." My daughter announced approvingly.
We heard a little scambling around upstairs then, "The son of a *censored* is still *censored* alive!"
The first hit apparently only stunned the lizard for a moment and when my husband went to get a cloth to carry its carcass outside, he sprang to life and made a run for it. Now, as I already said, my husband is an intelligent man and knew that if the lizard remained alive and roaming the house he would come home from work to a for sale sign in the front yard, furnishing included. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

Finally the lizard was removed from the house and *sigh* 'my hero', my dragon slayer husband went off to work.

It's morning like that when I don't need coffee and again. you can't make this stuff up!